Have you ever felt like all you are doing for your marriage is ‘working on it’? Sometimes it just feels like there is always an area for your spouse to work on…or for YOU to improve in. You wonder about those couples with that perfect marriage – how do they do it? Don’t they ever fight? Do you need some ideas on ways to keep working on your marriage?
Well, to be quite honest, my husband and I are one of those couples. We’ve been told many times before that we are ‘the perfect couple’. To the outside world, we have the ideal marriage. To those who don’t know us very well, it might seem like our marriage is problem-free and we’ve always been like the Cleavers.
But here’s the deal…Marcus and I have a strong marriage because we are always working on it.
Think about your car. What happens to it when you don’t keep it maintained? If you don’t wash it, change the oil or rotate the tires. If you pretend that there is nothing to take care of, you’ll end up with bigger problems to manage. It won’t take long before that car is breaking down and costing you a whole lot more money than you bargained for.
It’s the same with marriage. If you don’t maintain it properly, it will end up costing you more than you could have ever imagined.
Below are mine and Marcus’ top 3 ways to keep your marriage a Work in Progress
Be Intentional About Falling in Love With Him…Again
I intentionally think good thoughts about Marcus. I can either focus on his flaws or I can concentrate on his strengths. It’s a choice. I want to choose to think highly of my husband, to believe that he truly is the most amazing man.
This isn’t always easy, though. I’ve had to train myself to do this. That’s why it is ‘work in progress’. But when I have these wonderful and loving thoughts about my husband, it shows on my face.
And really, this is what it means to take every thought captive under Christ’s authority. My thoughts about my husband should reflect Christ’s thoughts about him. I have to take any negative thought about my husband and bring them under Christ’s authority. Can you imagine how your marriage might change if you started doing this?
**Keep doing those special things for your guy like giving him love notes – this is for you to remember why you love him.
Be Intentional About Spending Time Together
Spending time alone together can get tricky with a busy family. Marcus and I don’t usually go out on too many date nights. But one thing we have done often is make the kids an early dinner and then give them a movie and popcorn to enjoy in one of their bedrooms. We have this portable DVD player that works quite well for this purpose. Then Marcus and I enjoy a quiet dinner together. We have taught the kids at a very early age that mom and dad need time alone together to keep our marriage strong.
We live in a culture that thrives on busyness. The kids in this or that activity. Drive to soccer practice, drive to swim meets. It seems that kids are often involved in 2 or 3 or more activities each. This makes it even more difficult to have family time let alone husband and wife time. If you are finding that your family is just way too busy with extra-curricular activities, or even church programs, then you might want to begin praying and considering what areas can be cut out of your life. Your marriage and family is way too important for you to just drown it out with activity after activity. And guess what? Your children won’t suffer if they have to choose between soccer and the swim team. But they will suffer if your marriage deteriorates.
Make time together a priority.
Be Intentional About Your Spiritual Freedom.
If I had to narrow this topic down to just one tip, it would be this one. If you aren’t spiritually healthy, then your marriage won’t be either. I have done A LOT of work on myself in this area. Actually, I’ve allowed Christ to do A LOT of work on me.
One important fact that I realized was that my husband could not fix me. He can’t rescue me. He can’t save me. Nor should he ever feel the weight of that kind of responsibility. There is only One who has the power to save me. That is Jesus.
I need to turn to Him for healing and for restoration. When I am a fully alive woman of God…well, then…that’s when Marcus thinks he has won grand prize. When I am purposefully living in Christ’s freedom, I am the absolute best wife I can be.
I intend to be sharing my story over the next several weeks. If you need a story that will bring hope to your broken heart, be sure to check back here later this week. Or better yet, subscribe to receive notifications of new blogs and/or my monthly newsletter.
We live in a broken world. Many of us live through broken marriages because we are both completely and utterly broken people. Can we encourage each other to continue seeking the Lord in all areas? Can we commit to making sure we are working at walking in freedom and therefore, working on our marriages to be free?
Bottom line: If you feel like there is always something
to work on in your marriage; that is a good thing.
What will you choose to work on today?