This is my story…or rather His story of His redemption in my life.  My story of surviving childhood sexual abuse.  Circumstances in my life presently have allowed Jesus to bring more difficult things to the surface for His healing touch.  I don’t think it is a coincidence that this circumstance and His leading me to share my story are in perfect timing.   

This is part of my story, my recovery from childhood sexual abuse. God can redeem anything.

Getting To The Root Of The Pain

Every single deep rooted wound that has surfaced is intertwined with my story.  While it is a relief to get this stuff dealt with – stuff I couldn’t deal with before – it is still so painful and there is a tremendous amount of grief.  I have been realizing just how much has been taken away from me, what has been stolen.  There is a relationship that I never had but should have had – and that causes much heartache and sorrow.  But I know my Saviour and I am confident that anything He tends to will be redeemed and will be used for His purpose.  He is my hope.

Coming to terms with truth is never easy, especially when you realize just how long you have been duped into believing the lies.  How long I had believed that something was normal when it was so far removed from normal that it is shocking.  I share these things with my husband and responds in disbelief.  I have shared some of these things with my Titus 2 friends and their response has been shock.  That tells me that these things are not normal at all.  I am thankful for the truth these people bring into my life and the prayer covering they offer.  But it is still very hard.

And yet, I continue on telling my story because it is one that needs to be told (read from the beginning here)…

The Man Of My Dreams

I met my husband a few years after graduation and I convinced him that I would make a great wife.  Believe me; it wasn’t very hard to convince him!  He was tall, dark and incredibly handsome and I wasn’t about to let him go easily (he STILL is incredibly handsome!).  To help prove my point, I will tell you that I just started planning our wedding.  I picked out a few dates and asked him which one would work best for him.  May 30, 1998, it was!  Have I mentioned before that I am not good with waiting?  

Many women have this fairytale idea of what marriage will be like.  Endless days of bliss, romantic dinners every weekend, exotic vacations, have a few kids – or maybe 12 – and those kids will be perfectly well behaved (ummm…right…). 

Well, I was one of those women.  How on earth could my wonderful husband be anything but absolutely wonderful?  And I’m pretty amazing myself, how could anything go wrong?  We weren’t married for long before that fairytale enchantment wore off and we were left with the cold, hard truth. 

Marriage is HARD! 

And we had no money for any type of vacation let alone exotic ones! 

Little did we know how our marriage would be tested in the years following our wedding day.  There has been a lot of hurt and struggles – times when I didn’t think we were going to make it.  I had many days where I was ready to throw in the towel and cut my losses as I am sure Marcus did as well.  My Prince Charming wasn’t always so charming.  And in all fairness – I was not Cinderella.  I bet that comes as a shocker, hey?  

Thankfully, neither one of us truly gave up on the other. 

The Strongest Man I Know

Things really began to change for us when I started to address my brokenness and Marcus came to know Christ.  We have been married 17 years now and I have realized that those difficult times have made our marriage stronger and more solid than ever.

Shortly after Marcus and I were married, I began to remember what had happened to me.  It’s not that I had totally forgotten; I just had it all locked up tight.  But now I could not stop thinking about it.  I would get so angry and full of rage.  I remember washing the dishes and feeling an overwhelming urge to start throwing the glasses and plates.  I could not hold the secrets in any longer.

I finally told my family about what had happened to me as a little girl, beginning with my husband.  The poor guy was in shock and had no idea how to handle the information I was telling him.  How could he possibly when I didn’t know either?

But to endure the years of darkness and healing that he did amazes me to this day.  He has offered me his strength in so many ways – more ways than I can write here.  The things he had to bear watching me go through have proved to me that he is the strongest man I know.  Such incredible, gentle strength.   

A Broken 6-Year-Old Heart

I told the family member who had been married to one of the offenders.  I suppose I partly felt like I had permission to disclose now that their marriage was ending.  The crazy thing is is that I believed that if I had told earlier, I would have responsible for ruining their marriage.  I honestly believed that.  I now know the truth about that, but it just shows how distorted a person’s thinking becomes when they experience such trauma as childhood sexual abuse. 

I felt like I was 6 years old again – scared and terrified, full of shame.  I was reliving those awful moments as I shared what had happened.  It is said that the broken part of the heart remains at the age of brokenness, desperate for someone to come and restore it.  I fully understand that quote in its entirety.  I was a 6-year-old girl who was so desperate for a hero.

Sadly, I had no idea where to find such a hero.  Who on earth could take on such ugliness?  Such darkness?  Who would want to do that?  Who would want someone who experienced childhood sexual abuse?  I was dirty and used.

There was One…and He was on His way! 

He has rescued us

 

And during the years of my healing, my husband was my biggest supporter.  He longed for a wife who was fully alive and whole.  To help bring healing to my heart, he wrote this poem after he became a believer and watched as God brought amazing restoration into my life.  I made it as a printable so you could print it for yourself if the words resonate with your beautiful heart.

Marcus’ poem

The poem my husband wrote for me to encourage me on my healing journey.


This is part of my story, my recovery from childhood sexual abuse. God can redeem anything.

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Aimee Imbeau

Aimee is a wife to an incredible husband, Marcus, and mother to three fabulous children. She works from home as a homeschool support teacher and she homeschools her own children as well. She loves writing abut her faith and decided to give blogging a try in 2013. The rest is history...