I have been sharing my story – or God’s story – of His redemption, healing and restoration in my life the last several weeks. To see all of these posts, click Live in Freedom under Categories.
Consumed By Darkness
Following my disclosure of the sexual abuse, I experienced some very dark times.
The darkness engulfed me, swallowed my soul. The hopeless I felt was so overwhelming that I started to consider ways to kill myself just to escape the pain. I remember lying in bed trying to think which method would be most successful. I was starting to plan my escape. I feared that I’d fail at taking my own life, that I’d be found ‘just in time’ and everything would be ruined.
I did not want to be here any longer. I hated myself. I hated my life. I hated the pain. I hated the darkness. As the days passed, I felt a tiny glimmer of hope – maybe there was more. Maybe I could survive this. Maybe I’d be ok.
And Maybe was a tiny bit of hope.
As I look back on that time now, I am so thankful that I did not take action on any of those plans. The only thing that kept me going was my little tiny bit of faith. I tried hard to remain focused on that little light that was in the darkness, which gradually began to shine brighter and brighter, bringing healing and hope.
That Light was Christ.
Living A Victorious Life
We have just addressed some terribly sinister issues over the last few blog posts. But I want you to understand that this is not the end of my story. Not even close. If your heart is burdened right now about what I’ve shared in my posts, I will ask that you hand that burden over to God. It is only because of what He has done in my life that I can share my story – His story – with you.
I don’t want the point of my story to be missed – I don’t want people feeling sorry for me. We are all broken. We all need a Saviour. The point of my story is to share that hope – not all is lost.
There is HOPE.
Over the next several weeks, I would like to share about some of the areas that have stopped me from living a life of freedom and victory, such as:
- Lies – shame, despair
- Deadly secrets – like the ones from my childhood
- Sin/hurts – my own sin and sins against me
- Self-reliance – I can do this on my own, I can only trust myself
- Unforgiveness – of myself and others
- Unhealthy relationships – this seems to turn ugly when we want to break free!
Of course, our enemy will use anything to trap us into his snares. But these are the ones I want to address through my blog and I trust that the Holy Spirit will show you the areas He would like you to be released from.
Galatians 5:1 says that we aren’t supposed to live our lives in chains. The verse says that we should choose to live in complete freedom!
Does that sound like an impossible hope? I know that there is One who knows every part of your heart, knows the pattern of your heart – and only He can put the pieces back together the way they should be.
The Value Of The Cross
I grew up going to church and hearing about Jesus. I knew all of the stories and I believed that Jesus died on the cross for me and for all the wrong things I had done. I knew that He rose again so that I could live with Him forever in heaven. I invited him into my life – I remember standing in the back of that little church and asking Him to come into my life. I asked him to forgive me of all the wrong things I had done, but being so young, I didn’t fully comprehend everything that the death and life of Christ had to offer.
And let’s be honest, how many of us truly do when we take that first step?
It is through my healing that I gained a better understanding of what Jesus did for me and what He has done for all who feel hopeless and lost.
Soon after my 2nd child was born in 2003, I began to work through more pain of the sexual abuse – you see, it doesn’t always come out at once. I had not made a full disclosure earlier on in regards to the extent of the abuse or the number of men involved. God wanted to purge all of that festering garbage from my heart and soul.
Our Saviour is so gentle and patient with us. He never forces us to go through anything He hasn’t prepared us for first. Is it painful? Yes – extremely painful; to the point where it can be unbearable. But if He is peeling back those layers, trust that He has prepared your heart for the pain.
Late Night Tears
Late one night, while I was rocking my son, I began to remember all that had happened to me as a child and I could not stop crying. I prayed to God, begging Him to erase all of those awful memories. To take them all away. It hurt too much. I just couldn’t stand it any longer. I was tired of crying. Tired of the grief. Tired of feeling so broken. Tired of the darkness that surrounded me.
As soon as I prayed that prayer, I could clearly hear God’s voice speaking gently to my heart. He said that if I did not have any of those memories then I would not have a story to tell that He could use to show others that there is wholeness and healing in such a broken world. That He is able to heal and restore those who come to Him.
This is my story, His story of my life.
And share we must – even if our enemy tries to stop us through discouraging and hurtful tactics by others. We must tell of God’s glorious redemption and hope! Our enemy has already been defeated through the work of the Cross. Let’s begin living like it!
Latest posts by Aimee Imbeau (see all)
- 10 Comforting Scripture Verses for the Broken Heart - March 26, 2017
- Grace and Truth ~ 8 Ways To Counter Discouragement - March 24, 2017
- Grace & Truth ~ 3 Verses For Your Brokenness - March 17, 2017