I just sat on the edge of my bed and sobbed. They didn’t fit right. The panties he bought me just for him…I looked awful in them. The sides cut onto my hips in a very unflattering way. I used to fit this size. But not now and I felt so ugly because of it. All I could do was cry. I was not the sexy wife he thought I was. This is For The Wife Who Doesn’t Feel Sexy.
I wasn’t too sure what to do at that point. He was going to be in the bedroom in a few minutes and he was expecting me to model these new, barely there panties for him. It was clear that I had been crying; I couldn’t hide that fact. And I didn’t want to ruin ‘it’ for him even more.
But I had been struggling with this feeling for quite some time. Maybe you have been, too. Just writing this out makes me want to cry because I remember how I felt and my heart breaks to think you know what I am talking about. I also cry because I see how far God has brought me, I can now see the incredible work of healing He has done in my life. And He wants to do the same for you.
So, what did I do? I told my husband how I felt. He sat with me as I cried about how ugly I felt. I showed him how the panties didn’t fit me properly. Confession is good for the soul, so I told him how I thought he thought I was unattractive. He just held me and told me that he thought I was beautiful…and the panties…well, they weren’t staying on long enough for him to notice how they didn’t fit anyway. That man can always manage to make me laugh despite the tears.
But it was still hard. I still struggled with feeling ugly. I knew I had to deal with this.
I knew I needed healing from God. In prayer, I started handing this issue over to the Lord and I asked Him for healing. God’s word says that intimacy in marriage is sacred and important. So, I knew He would answer my prayers for restoration. I also knew He would heal this area of our marriage because He had done so before…I needed healing from damage that occurred from childhood sexual abuse. If He can heal that, well, He can heal anything!
It took time and some effort on my part, but He remained faithful to me…and to Marcus;) Meditate on His Holy Word and the things He says about His wonderful creation – YOU! Thank Him for making you…beautiful. Go ahead, just say it! It might be hard the first few times, but after a while it will get easier.
God healed and restored me and how I view myself. I know He wants to do the same for you.
Please pray for your own healing and don’t stop until you are restored…and even then, continue to pray big for intimacy in your marriage!
Many Christian songs out there are uplifting and incredibly helpful in assisting in our attempt to focus on His thoughts towards us. MercyMe has a song that I just love; “Flawless”. I have posted it at the end.
It Hurts Him, Too
One thing that I realized at that point that I hadn’t before was the fact that it hurt my husband that I thought so awful about myself. It saddened him that I thought I was ugly…that I would think that he thought that, too. He loved me very much the way I was. It also hurt him because he knew I was hurting. This is his bride that I was thinking so awfully about, the woman he chose to love, cherish and care about for the rest of his life.
Our husbands may not show it, but when we are hurting, they hurt alongside us. This pain reached much further than just me and those silly panties! My husband longed for a wife who was whole and free. Is your hubby longing for this, too? Is he waiting for you?
I can tell you now, Marcus has delighted in seeing me set free. He is content and satisfied to see me live in freedom. Not only because he benefits from it in many ways (including the bedroom!), but because he loves me.
Part of the healing for me was having the courage to wear something for him…again. It took risk; it took me putting my anxiety and fear aside. I had to shed the shame. It took me receiving his enjoyment. I had to look beyond how I felt and, instead, watched how he took pleasure in what I was wearing. His response brought much healing to my soul.
Yes, I had to step out of my comfort zone in order to receive deeper healing, but it was well worth it! Marcus agrees!
Little Ears Are Listening, Little Hearts Are Tender
The other thing that forced me to begin dealing with this problem was my girls. I have two daughters who were looking to me to see how I handled ‘body image’. They may have been quite little at the time, but I knew that my tone would set theirs for a very long time. The way I see myself and my body will impact how they see theirs. I had to change the way I talked about myself. Instead of saying “I am so fat”, I’d say, “My hair looks great today.”
“My butt looks fantastic in these jeans! (and it actually does!)” instead of “My thighs look like ham hocks. I hate them!” (and they really do…but they are my ham hocks!).
I had to be genuine and intentional about commenting on the things about my body that I liked. Continuously focusing on the other parts and speaking negatively about them harmed me, harmed my daughters…and they also hurt my husband.
It was around that time that I got a membership to Curves. This was such a good decision for me! I didn’t necessarily lose a bunch of weight, but I grew stronger, healthier and I just felt sexier. Exercising just helps with overall health and when you know you are working to get stronger, you feel better about yourself. This idea is proven true again since I had taken almost 2 years off of Curves and I just joined another women’s gym here in town…I had forgotten how great I felt when I was strengthening my body!
However, if we fail to bring this pain to God for healing in the first place, none of these other ideas will be too helpful.
**Just days after I wrote this article, I came across this post by Fawn Weaver of Happy Wives Club. I guess I am on the right track;)
My dear sister, please know that I completely understand how you are feeling. While I can’t offer a quick fix, I do hope that my sharing of my own experience has brought hope and encouragement to your soul. I pray that God will completely and fully restore every part of your marriage. I know He will…
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