My heart was crushed. The pain was excruciating. There are less than a handful of people who have hurt me more than she has. I know how that saying goes – the one about your spouse being the person who hurts you the most – I even came across that saying in some sermon notes I had written many years ago. As a young wife in those days, I believed that saying – I put myself on guard for my husband to be the person who hurt me the most. After almost 20 years of marriage, I know that saying to be completely false. Sure, it might be true in some marriages – and maybe when you set yourself up for it, it becomes true. But it was not true in my case. Not even close. My husband has not been the one to hurt me the most. But he has been the one to walk beside me through such agonizing pain at the hands of others. Here are 3 Incredible Truths To Remember When Walking Through Adversity.
Some of the hardest times in my life have fused my husband and me together so fiercely that there isn’t much that could rip us apart. We are pretty solid, he and I. We are so good together. Spending time together is one of our favorite things…and we both work from home, so we see each other all day, every day. And, no, we have never gotten sick of each other! When one of us goes through a rough patch, we have a choice. We can bring further hurt into the situation by failing to support, encourage and pray for the other. OR…we can walk with the other person through that awful painful situation and cover them in prayer.
I want to be the kind of wife who chooses the latter because this is what I discovered through having a husband who journeys with me – even leads me – through the most heartbreaking experiences I have ever gone through.
A Special Bond
When a married couple trudges through hardship, they grow closer together. It is just what naturally – or supernaturally – happens. As I thought about this idea a bit more, I got this image of two hearts fused together. When there is a wound, scar tissue eventually fuses the skin together. It is the scar tissue from those painful times that bind the hearts together. Hearts are healed together, making them one.
When God’s word says the two shall become one, I think this idea of two hearts fastened together plays a huge part in the hearts fusing together. The good times are wonderful. They truly are. But when my husband and I walk through hard times together, what rises out of the ashes is the most beautiful display of what marriage ought to look like.
As I was digging a little in this verse, I came across the meaning for the word “cleave”: [proskollao ( proskliðnomai )] ‘shall be cemented to his wife,’ as the Hebrew davak implies; a beautiful metaphor, forcibly intimating that nothing but death can separate them.
Isn’t that amazing? It is just so beautiful!
I want my heart so cemented to Marcus’ heart that nothing but death can ever separate us.
Allow For Growth
Enduring difficult times can bring about conflict – even if neither one of us is the one who brought in the hardship. In order for our hearts to fuse together, we must allow our hearts to grow together. Avoiding conflict and petty arguments during these hard times will help our hearts meld together faster.
Pray to be in unity during these trying times. Seek God’s will and His healing. Walk in freedom continuously. This takes practice! Repent of any sin and turn from it. Ask God to cleanse your heart – daily.
Remember – you are both on the same team – when one loses, you both lose.
Almost 2 years ago, when my heart was going through a devastating time, a wonderfully wise friend gave me this advice, “Rest in Marcus’ protection”. My husband is an amazing gift given to me by God and one of his jobs as my husband is to protect me, to protect my heart. And sometimes that meant he had to get a little assertive and forceful towards those who were hurting me.
I had learned just a couple of years before to just allow him to handle such situations for me. That meant I had to step back and not interfere with his decisions, which were always very wise and good for me, for us and for our family.
Are you catching what I am meaning here? I had to purposefully make the choice to let him protect me. I couldn’t just agree to have him protect me and then go and do or say something that would go against his protection. For example, if he was protecting me by telling me to not respond to an accusation and I agreed that I wanted his protection but then went ahead and responded to a false accusation (disregarding his decision), then I would not truly be under my husband’s protection. Yeah – I learned that the hard way, ladies. Don’t do it. Just don’t.
I also realized that my husband’s protection of my heart and spirit was symbolic of God’s protection over me. I can choose to remain under that protective umbrella, or I can choose to stand out in the storm…unprotected.
What a blessing it is to have such wonderful protection.
How have you found walking together through difficult times fuses your heart to your husband’s? What did you find to hinder this process? How do you maintain unity during adversity?
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