The tears rolled down my cheeks.  We were fighting…again.  I don’t even remember how it started – just how it ended.  When I walked down that aisle, I didn’t expect marriage to be this hard.  I wondered if I had made a mistake in marrying him.  Maybe he was Mr. Wrong instead of Mr. Right.  Surely someone else would have been better.  Right?  Probably not.  It wasn’t until several years later that I realized why this was improbable.  I had to learn a lot…thankfully, when you don’t have someone to teach you these things, God uses His Holy Spirit to teach us the truth.  What did I learn?  I am sure you are anxious to find out.  Well, here are 6 Sure Ways To Make Your Marriage Difficult.

6 Sure Ways To Make Your Marriage Difficult

I wish I had known these things when Marcus and I were first married.  Yes, we did go to marriage counseling, but I don’t remember the pastor talking about these kinds of things.  The things I had to learn ‘on my own’ years later.  Things I had to learn from experience (AKA – the hard way).  When I learned these things and applied them to my life and my marriage, Marcus and I grew stronger.  And when he started doing the same thing – WOW!  That’s when we became unstoppable!  OK, maybe not to that extreme.  But we do have a solid marriage because we both work hard to avoid the following 6 things.

When We Are Selfish

Selfishness is the complete opposite of what love is.  When we think of selfishness, more often than not, we think of our spouse and not ourselves.  However, many times we don’t realize that we are actually being selfish.  

Like when we want our own way and we refuse to compromise.  

When, we as wives, strip our husbands of their God-given role as leader – we do that when we make decisions without thinking about them.  Or, we make decisions we know they would be unhappy about, while thinking, “He’ll get over it.”  Or, “he’ll never know.”  Worse yet, we lie about our decision.   

When I do things out of selfish ambition instead of for the good of my marriage and family, I bring disorder and chaos into my marriage.  

When We Are Prideful

Pride – that nasty habit seems to always get in the way!  We let a disagreement continue longer than it ought to all because we don’t want to apologize.  If there is one thing I have learned to do in the midst of a disagreement with my wonderful husband is to go humbly before God and ask Him to fuel my love for my husband.  Then I realize that our disagreement is not worth continuing the fight over…OR…the Lord gives me insight on how to approach the matter differently…OR…He speaks to my husband’s heart and convicts him if necessary.

Don’t let something like your pride get in the way of a healthy, strong marriage.  Just go kiss and make-up – that’s much more fun anyway 😉 

When I nurse my pride, I bring strife into my marriage.

When We Stop Seeking The Holy Spirit For Direction

How many marriage self-help books do you own?  Apparently, in 2008, women bought “74% of books in the relationship and family category”.  Self-help is a $10 billion per year industry (WOW!).  That is HUGE!  And just in the USA alone.

Now, don’t get me wrong – a good, Biblically sound ‘self-help’ book can offer a lot of wisdom and advice.  I have several of these types of books myself.  I’ve learned a lot from these authors.

However, those books should never, ever take the place of the leading of the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is a wonderful gift from our Father.  Whenever we are unsure of what to do, we can count on wisdom from His Spirit.  If you want a rock-solid marriage, seek the leading and wisdom of the Holy Spirit for your marriage daily.

Seek Him always, for everything, all decisions, all problems, all joy.

When I stop seeking wisdom from the Holy Spirit, I fail to bring Godly wisdom into my marriage.

When Jesus Is Not Lord Of Our Lives

Do have any idea how many marital problems would be solved if each spouse lived with Jesus as Lord?  If husbands cherished their wives as the bride of Christ, washing her with water through the word, making her holy, presenting her to Jesus without stain or wrinkle – but holy and blameless (Eph 5:26-27).  

If wives held their husbands in such high regard that she purposefully seeks to bring him good all the days of her life.  That she is so trustworthy and faithful, her husband has full confidence in her.  And because of her, her husband is a respected man in the community…meaning she would never dare say anything bad about him to anyone.  NEVER.  (Proverbs 31:11, 12, 23).

How would your marriage change if you submitted fully and completely to the Lord Jesus Christ?  If He was Lord of your life – not just this part and that part, you know, the easy stuff.  But all.  This, of course, takes wisdom and power of the Holy Spirit to accomplish.  When He is Lord of our lives, it shows in our obedience to His commands…especially His commands regarding marriage. 

When I don’t let Jesus be Lord of my life, I cannot bring good into my marriage.

When We Stop Praying

Often, prayer is our last resort…when all else fails.  We tend to turn to prayer in a desperate last attempt to save our marriage.  I wonder if we have become so self-reliant that prayer has lost its awe and reverence to God.      

My oldest daughter, who is 15, already started praying for her future husband.  She prays that God will keep his heart close to His.  That he will be filled with Godly wisdom and that He falls in love with God’s word.  She prays he grows into a Godly man.  This practice is a very wise move for her.  It is getting her in the wonderful habit of praying for her husband.  This is the time to start!  I know I wish I had started when I was her age – it would have saved me a lot of problems!

Our husbands need our prayers, friends.  They covet them.  If you need help in this area, I have a wonderful subscriber freebie for you.  Just click below.  Alternately, you can purchase this product on my shopping page.

Our prayers are an essential part of our spiritual armor.  We are taught in Ephesians to put on all of our armor, not just a few pieces.  (See my Warrior Princess series for more details – this also comes in PDF as a subscriber freebie).

Our marriage is a battlefield with our enemy (PS…our husbands are NOT our enemy, just to clarify).  Satan has declared war on marriage because it is a beautiful example of the relationship between Christ and His bride.  So, naturally, he is going to make your marriage a prime target for his destructive plans.

Prayer and the Word of God are how we fight that threat.  Never underestimate your prayers for your marriage.  Go to war on your knees, sister.  Make the enemy sorry he ever put his sights on your marriage.

When I don’t pray fervently for my marriage, it becomes an easy target for my enemy.

When We Have Hidden Sin

What is sin?  It is anything that is a transgression against God.  And we all do it.  We all sin.  The question isn’t if we will sin, but what we will do when we sin.  Will we wallow in it?  Or, worse, will we delight in it?  Indulging in sinful behaviors will certainly lead to destruction in marriage.  Maybe not at first, but eventually sin will have its say.             

Don’t be so foolish as to call certain sins good when scripture is very clear about what sin is – anything sexually immoral is sin, including pornography.  Bringing such sin into your marriage, and indulging in it happily is a grave mistake that will cost you much more than you ever bargained for.  Is it really worth risking your marriage?  I don’t think so.            

If you have been bringing sin into your life and your marriage, I implore you to confess, repent and turn away from it today.  Don’t wait.  I am so thankful that I did that for my marriage.  The wonderful blessings that came from making that decision far surpass any fleshly satisfaction I once had.  

When I invite sin into my marriage, I bring destruction and death to it.  

Final Thoughts

Build your home with wisdom from the Lord, my friend.

And then you will find rooms full of rare and beautiful treasures…because a strong, Godly marriage truly is rare and it certainly is one of the most beautiful things to behold.

When I dedicate my marriage to the Lord, He will breathe life into it and fill it full of His glory.

If you have enjoyed this post, you will love my Bible study on marriage coming up in the fall!  I will be leading a study through Proverbs 31.  Sign up for my newsletter so you don’t miss out on the promotional price of this study.  

Do you think marriage is hard? Maybe you are making it harder than it really is. Here are 6 Sure Ways To Make Your Marriage Difficult

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Aimee Imbeau

Aimee is a wife to an incredible husband, Marcus, and mother to three fabulous children. She works from home as a homeschool support teacher and she homeschools her own children as well. She loves writing abut her faith and decided to give blogging a try in 2013. The rest is history...