I just sat on the edge of my bed and sobbed. They didn’t fit right. The panties he bought me just for him…I looked awful in them. The sides cut onto my hips in a very unflattering way. I used to fit this size. But not now and I felt so ugly because of it. All I could do was cry. I was not the sexy wife he thought I was. This is For The Wife Who Doesn’t Feel Sexy.
I wasn’t too sure what to do at that point. He was going to be in the bedroom in a few minutes and he was expecting me to model these new, barely there panties for him. It was clear that I had been crying; I couldn’t hide that fact. And I didn’t want to ruin ‘it’ for him even more.
But I had been struggling with this feeling for quite some time. Maybe you have been, too. Just writing this out makes me want to cry because I remember how I felt and my heart breaks to think you know what I am talking about. I also cry because I see how far God has brought me, I can now see the incredible work of healing He has done in my life. And He wants to do the same for you.Read More
I wrote a guest post for Beth over at Messy Marriage. It is a story I had been wanting to share for a while now and I couldn’t think of a better place than Beth’s site – it is all about messy marriages after all!
Here is an excerpt.
I was devastated by his careless words spoken the night before as I walked out my door, bag in hand. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. This was not my fairytale happy life that Hollywood displayed in their movies. This was not written in any of the romance novels I had read in my young life. No. But this was the day I walked out on my husband.
Who are you spending a lot of your time with? Are your closest friends pointing you to Jesus? Or do they somehow direct you away from the Saviour? Do you find yourself getting closer to God through your close friendships? Or are you catching yourself struggling to make good choices? Close relationships that distract your spiritual journey will likely lead to bondage. This is the cost of ungodly relationships.
When Relationships Change
I had a very close friend for several years. In the beginning, the friendship was good. But over the years the relationship started to change. Many times, I’d find myself sitting with my husband in tears because of something this friend said or did. Several times I had thought to just end the friendship. But I didn’t have the heart to sever ties and hurt her deeply. The friendship continued and our values kept getting further and further apart, including what was acceptable in marriage and what wasn’t.Read More
“Please, please, please come with me!” I begged. I wanted so much for him to attend church with me. I knew he didn’t enjoy it, but I hoped with all of my heart that he would join me and God would speak to his heart through something or someone during the service. But he refused. I was driving to church, alone, again. It is so hard to go to church without your spouse. It is like only part of you is there. But he wasn’t a believer. I married him knowing he wasn’t. I had hoped to change that! How foolish was I! For the first 8 years of our marriage, Marcus wanted nothing to do with church, nothing to do with God, nothing to do with my Savior, Jesus. Nothing. But then things changed…his heart softened and God did speak to him. But not because he went to church with me. Before he became a believer, there were things I did right, and some things I did wrong. And there were some things I saw other people do wrong. And that is what this post is about. 6 Ways To Make Sure Your Spouse Remains An Unbeliever.
Last week, I posted 4 Ways to Influence An Unbelieving Spouse. As a follow-up, I wanted to share some thoughts on what you can do to ensure your unbelieving spouse remains an unbeliever. These points will for sure discourage an unbelieving spouse – so avoid them at all costs!Read More
Are you married to an unbeliever? I had an unbelieving spouse for the first 8 years of marriage. It wasn’t always easy. I had to be the spiritual leader of the home and that is not a light yoke to carry. I felt lonely in church. I felt lonely in my walk with God. You know, I think it is much harder to remain steadfast in your faith when you don’t have your best friend alongside you.
I was talking with my husband about his thoughts on how a wife can support her husband when they are not living the same faith. He was a great source of information, I appreciate his insight and wisdom. He said that many times, if the believing spouse has been a Christian their entire life – or even a large part of their lives – then they don’t quite understand what it is like to be on the ‘other side’. I thought that was such a good point and something to keep in mind as we bear witness to our unbelieving spouse.
We talked about several points, and these are the 4 that we thought were the top 4.Read More
I have finally figured out a sure-fire technique to get “my way” with my husband! This is amazing! And it is so EASY! He has no idea I implement this tactic unless I tell him after he does what I want! And he is not even offended or upset about it. I have been amazed at how well this little conspiracy works! Today, I will share with you How to Get What You Want From Your Husband. I am quite excited about it. Are you ready to find out how to get what you want from your husband? All you need to do is….
Yup, that’s what it is!
Are you feeling disappointed and let down?
Were you thinking it was some new revolutionary idea?
Or some step-by-step procedure?
Or maybe you were hoping for something a little swifter – a quick fix, so to speak. Read More
It is a topic that has been the center of many heated debates. It conjures very strong emotions in us women, regardless of our position on the subject. It goes from one extreme to another, and in that, I think we have lost the true, biblical meaning of submission.
I am not a doormat type of submissive wife. I don’t believe that God ever intended for women to endure abusive behaviour from their husbands when He commanded wives to submit. Godly submission is not the same thing as doormat submission.Read More
Have you ever felt like all you are doing for your marriage is ‘working on it’? Sometimes it just feels like there is always an area for your spouse to work on…or for YOU to improve in. You wonder about those couples with that perfect marriage – how do they do it? Don’t they ever fight? Do you need some ideas on ways to keep working on your marriage?
Well, to be quite honest, my husband and I are one of those couples. We’ve been told many times before that we are ‘the perfect couple’. To the outside world, we have the ideal marriage. To those who don’t know us very well, it might seem like our marriage is problem-free and we’ve always been like the Cleavers.
But here’s the deal…Marcus and I have a strong marriage because we are always working on it.
Think about your car. What happens to it when you don’t keep it maintained? If you don’t wash it, change the oil or rotate the tires. If you pretend that there is nothing to take care of, you’ll end up with bigger problems to manage. It won’t take long before that car is breaking down and costing you a whole lot more money than you bargained for.
It’s the same with marriage. If you don’t maintain it properly, it will end up costing you more than you could have ever imagined.
Below are mine and Marcus’ top 3 ways to keep your marriage a Work in Progress
Be Intentional About Falling in Love With Him…Again
I intentionally think good thoughts about Marcus. I can either focus on his flaws or I can concentrate on his strengths. It’s a choice. I want to choose to think highly of my husband, to believe that he truly is the most amazing man.
This isn’t always easy, though. I’ve had to train myself to do this. That’s why it is ‘work in progress’. But when I have these wonderful and loving thoughts about my husband, it shows on my face.
And really, this is what it means to take every thought captive under Christ’s authority. My thoughts about my husband should reflect Christ’s thoughts about him. I have to take any negative thought about my husband and bring them under Christ’s authority. Can you imagine how your marriage might change if you started doing this?
**Keep doing those special things for your guy like giving him love notes – this is for you to remember why you love him.
Be Intentional About Spending Time Together
Spending time alone together can get tricky with a busy family. Marcus and I don’t usually go out on too many date nights. But one thing we have done often is make the kids an early dinner and then give them a movie and popcorn to enjoy in one of their bedrooms. We have this portable DVD player that works quite well for this purpose. Then Marcus and I enjoy a quiet dinner together. We have taught the kids at a very early age that mom and dad need time alone together to keep our marriage strong.
We live in a culture that thrives on busyness. The kids in this or that activity. Drive to soccer practice, drive to swim meets. It seems that kids are often involved in 2 or 3 or more activities each. This makes it even more difficult to have family time let alone husband and wife time. If you are finding that your family is just way too busy with extra-curricular activities, or even church programs, then you might want to begin praying and considering what areas can be cut out of your life. Your marriage and family is way too important for you to just drown it out with activity after activity. And guess what? Your children won’t suffer if they have to choose between soccer and the swim team. But they will suffer if your marriage deteriorates.
Make time together a priority.
Be Intentional About Your Spiritual Freedom.
If I had to narrow this topic down to just one tip, it would be this one. If you aren’t spiritually healthy, then your marriage won’t be either. I have done A LOT of work on myself in this area. Actually, I’ve allowed Christ to do A LOT of work on me.
One important fact that I realized was that my husband could not fix me. He can’t rescue me. He can’t save me. Nor should he ever feel the weight of that kind of responsibility. There is only One who has the power to save me. That is Jesus.
I need to turn to Him for healing and for restoration. When I am a fully alive woman of God…well, then…that’s when Marcus thinks he has won grand prize. When I am purposefully living in Christ’s freedom, I am the absolute best wife I can be.
I intend to be sharing my story over the next several weeks. If you need a story that will bring hope to your broken heart, be sure to check back here later this week. Or better yet, subscribe to receive notifications of new blogs and/or my monthly newsletter.
We live in a broken world. Many of us live through broken marriages because we are both completely and utterly broken people. Can we encourage each other to continue seeking the Lord in all areas? Can we commit to making sure we are working at walking in freedom and therefore, working on our marriages to be free?
Bottom line: If you feel like there is always something
to work on in your marriage; that is a good thing.
It’s telling, and important that the first two points center on intentionality. Without that, the social forces that work to erode marriages have a much easier time.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of familiarity breeding contempt…a lot of married people find themselves praising things in others that they would overlook in their spouses, or at best blow off with a backhanded compliment. That’s tragic, really.
Hmmm…yes, Andrew. Our thoughts and time have to be sincere. Funny, though, the more I ‘compare’ Marcus to other men, the more I am so thankful to have him. Keeping a heart of thankfulness is important, too, I guess.
How are you feeling these days? I keep praying for you.
These are good tips. My husband and I make an effort to sit down together every week to go over the calendar and plan time to spend together. I know it might sound unromantic to “plan” time to spend together but with three kids under the age of 4 if we don’t a plan, the kids run the show! 🙂
He went from room to room in our home, his smile getting bigger as he walked. He noticed them! He liked them! No, I think he LOVED them! I knew he was feeling incredibly loved and respected. I was amazed at how one simple act could have such an effect on him! When was the last time you made your husband feel special and loved? So much so that his smile lasted the rest of the day and maybe into the following day?
Years ago, I wanted to do something very special for Marcus. I wanted him to know just how much I adore him and appreciate all that he does for our family.
I spent some time writing out reasons why I love him and reasons I am thankful for him on index cards. I also wanted to include things about his character that I admired…any positive and edifying thing I could think of, I wrote it down. Soon, I had a stack of cards ready! Read More
So, what is no one telling you about submission? I discovered this little secret quite some times ago and I want to share it with you. About four years ago – during the Christmas season, we were getting ready to put up our Christmas tree. I wanted a real tree! I love the smell and the look of real trees. But my wonderful husband, said…NO. We went back and forth a bit on the tree, but I knew I wasn’t going to get what I wanted. This is What No One Tells You About Submission.
The Ugly Fake
He brought up the huge box with the ugly, sparse, FAKE tree.
Me = not happy. But I ‘submitted’ to my husband. I did not complain about the tree…at least not out loud.
We set up the fake tree and Marcus left me to ‘fluff’ out the branches.
With each branch, the grumbling in my heart got worse.
If we had a real tree, I wouldn’t be separating the stupid branches.
If we got what I wanted, my fingers wouldn’t be getting stabbed by these dumb wires.
Grumble, grumble, grumble.
When my heart was quiet for just a moment, I heard Him.
Aimee, you may have submitted to Marcus outwardly. But you haven’t in your heart. That is not true submission. You have a tree. Stop complaining about it and choose joy.
I had to make a heart change and I had to make it now.
I chose joy.
And my kids noticed.
Setting The Example
Fast forward a few weeks. I was talking to my oldest about being a submissive wife and healthy marriages. Her response was this, “Just like when you wanted a real tree and daddy wanted the fake tree. You didn’t argue with him. You just had the fake one put up.”
In that moment, I was so thankful that I had listened to God’s conviction in my heart and stopped my grumbling. I was sorry for the wasted time that I had grumbled away, but just so thankful that I had a heart change and my kids did not see the result of continued disobedience on my part.
I was honest with my daughter, though, and explained the story in more detail and how at first, my heart was in the wrong place. I shared how God spoke to me and told me I was wrong and needed to change.
This story has remained with Sarah ever since. It was a valuable lesson for her and one I hope she takes into her own marriage.
Our kids are watching us, ladies. They see how we submit and they notice when we don’t. Maybe not so much with inward disobedience, but they do notice our attitudes and behaviour.
We must set a good example in our marriages. Not just for their marriage one day, but presently for their relationship with God. Our marriages are supposed to reflect God’s glory, His relationship with us. Our children learn a lot about God’s character through us, their parents.
If we are disrespectful to our husbands; if we belittle them and emasculate them, how do you think our children will view God’s character? How do you think they will end up treating their spouse?
Be His Crown
Our marriages aren’t about us and what we want. It is all about how we reflect Jesus. That’s what marriage has always been about. Not what we can get from someone else.
Are we the beautiful crown of our husbands? Or are we the decay in their bones?
When we refuse to submit to their authority, we are decay in their bones.
When we talk negatively about them or to them, we are decay in their bones.
When we roll our eyes at them **SIGH**, we are decay in their bones.
When we put our selfish desires aside and choose to not fight over silly things like a Christmas tree, we are his crown.
When we choose joy after not having our way, we are his crown.
When we show our children how a godly wife ought to behave, we are his crown!
I would much rather be the crown of Marcus than the decay in his bones! Are you saying the same thing about your hubby?